capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
