I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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