I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
