if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
