she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
