Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
