I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
