So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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