I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
