Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
