Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
