he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pants are for mortals
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
