we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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