if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
