what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
