Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
