It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
