First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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