I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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