Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
