drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
