Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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