Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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