apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
