I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
