hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
