Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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