did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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