That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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