i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize