So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The uberlube is also flammable
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
