I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she looked like the before picture.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
