how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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