Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
