the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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