So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
