You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
