you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is my gift to your gina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
