don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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