brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
