dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
