What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
