I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
