Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
