Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
