The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
