What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
