Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
