it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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