am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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