Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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