i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize