the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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