either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
