she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
