Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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