apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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