Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
