I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
