she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
