Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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