I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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