i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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