That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
