Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
