THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
