fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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