so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
