I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
