I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
