she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
