Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
