Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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