i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
