I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
