Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
