he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
