Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
