i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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